FUN FACT: Selma Blair has not woken in the past decade, and if she ever should rouse from her slumber, all the world would end in fire.

(Reply) (Thread)

Whatever, there was german ectoplasm walking around in a diving suit. That's all I need in a movie.

(Reply) (Thread)

I thought that was awesome until I realized it was Seth MacFarlane voicing the character and I had inadvertently given him money.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

I SAW THAT on the end credits and I was so pissed.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Now I'm mad

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

I was going to tell you but I didn't want to hurt you

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Shit! God dammit. Thanks for popping my blissful little bubble.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

I THOUGHT IT WAS GORGEOUS.

(Reply) (Thread)

Oh yes of course it was gorgeous but I mean so is Winona Ryder and if somebody tries to make me pay $4.25 for a Vitamin Water in the place where you go to look at Winona Ryder there will be Problems.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

JEFFERY YOU KNOW NOT TO PURCHASE THINGS AT A THEATRE. COME ON NOW WHITE TRASH IS SUPPOSED TO BE SNEAKIN' IN BEERS AND WHISKEY AND HOMEMADE POPCORN AND SUCH OR AT LEAST THAT IS HOW I WAS RAISED.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

For $4.25 it had better be nonvirgin vitamin water, if you catch my drift.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

FUN FACT: It's the only film I've ever walked out on.

Now, granted, my wife had walked out 5 minutes earlier and I really had to go pee, but in that 5 minutes the movie had gotten exponentially dumber. I left when Hellboy and Abe broke out in to song. Ugh...

(Reply) (Thread)

You missed one of the two best parts, but considering you had to wade through the rest of the movie to get to them, the time you saved was probably worth it.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

I can't even tell if you are serious - did they actually break out into song??

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Yes, yes they did.

It's such a Not-HellBoy moment that I'm scared of seeing The Dark Knight in fear that Batman and Alfred will start tap-dancing together ruining the only other movie I want to see this summer.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Why are you drinking Viteminz Wadur in the first place? You find a lady friend and sneak those food&drinks in her purse, movie-going 101.

(Reply) (Thread)

I wish I could've gotten my money back! Also, Canada is still a stranger to Vitamin water.

(Reply) (Thread)

All Vitamin Water is is Kool-aid with a multi-vitamin mashed up in it.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Augh, that's why we sneak liquor and Goldfish into the theatre.

(Reply) (Thread)

I took a fish head.. nah.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

THANK you.

And the more I think back on Pan's Labyrinth, the more I think that it was basically Dancer In the Dark but with monsters.

(Reply) (Thread)

Explain? (Not being snarky, just don't see the connection and am interested in your take.)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

After seeing Dancer in the Dark, I compared it to being stuffed into a sack and beaten with baseball bats for three hours. It's a thoroughly masochistic experience; all you can really do is wince again and again at the unremitting awfulness of Bjork's character's life. I'm not saying the film has no value or point -- just that it holds no pleasure for me.

Pan's Labyrinth ends up being more or less the same kind of story; many people are hurt, tortured, and/or killed, and nothing ends happily, and we're supposed to be comforted by the fact that the protagonist has a rich inner life. Perhaps I should be, but I'm not.

Again, this isn't in any way an objective criticism, and in fact I found the film very affecting at the time. It's just that it affected me by depressing the hell out of me. Why that experience contains a certain sick pleasure when it's in the context of Silent Hill (the videogame, not the movie so much) and very little pleasure at all in these films I can't explain. It probably has to do with the unreality of Silent Hill as compared to the very realistic, plausible horrors in these two films.

Hellboy 2, at least, was not depressing, except insofar as I enjoyed it so much less than I enjoy the comics. Which is a shame, since the casting is so good (except for Selma Blah).

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

$4.25 Vitamin Waters, this why people steal movies.

Sigh. It is in concessions that theaters make their money. If they reduced the cost of vitamin water to a reasonable rate, then they would have to double the price of tickets.

Also, if you want to support your local theater, wait a few weeks to see a movie. The first week, they have to give, like, 90% of the box office to the studio. The ratio goes down every week or so.

The more you know...

(Reply) (Thread)

Our local movie theater is a huge corporation and every time I go I feel filthy. Also I used to work there when I was just out of high school. Fuck them and their $4.25 Vitamin Water. I know how things work and in this particular case, I should have stayed home.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

it could have been worse.

you could have seen Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D.

(Reply) (Thread)

I'm always amused by the poster for this movie featuring the woman who is very calmly falling to her death, riding a boulder down into a crevasse, right over The Hero's shoulder.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Guys I am a really big fan of the Hellboy comic books and Pan's Labyrinth was pretty neat, but these movies are so bad I peed.

To people who only saw the Hellboy movies: the comic is really fun and original and basically nothing like what is on the screen. Who decided that Liz (the fire woman that's in basically two stories in the comic) should be a main character? Hellboy is supposed to be about strange folk stories and drinking with skeletons, not superhero teams and high tech nonsense.

Edited at 2008-07-23 04:27 am (UTC)

(Reply) (Thread)

What high tech nonsense? The giant magical clockwork golems made by a goblin?

Also, have you read any BPRD?

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

I read the first trade. It was okay, but when Mignola isn't directly behind the wheel I have a tough time getting into it.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

I thought the BPRD stuff was pretty mediocre at first, but they get so much better.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Ah, okay. You really should pick up the later trades, #3 is where it gets good. I felt like Hellboy 2 was more like BPRD than Hellboy, but I like both comics, so was pretty happy with that.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

I liked this movie, so I guess I am a Bad Person.

(Reply) (Thread)

GO TO YOUR ROOM

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Jefty, You know you aint supposed to be drinkin no vit'man waters in the movie theaters. Go out an get yourself a tall boy and stick it down your pants. That way you get to drink a beer in the theatre and before you take it out everyone will think you have a penis shaped like a tall boy beer can.

(Reply) (Thread)

I was TRYING to sober up.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

it blows my mind that this many people went to see it.

(Reply) (Thread)

I paid 4.00 for a beer when I went to a movie last night. They even poured it into a plastic cup for me!

(Reply) (Thread)