Speaking of Your Loved Ones While I Clumsily Strum My Guitar

A Present for Jeph Jacques

Wed, 14 May 2008 19:48:08 GMT

Here Jeph here I went on and designed a shirt for you so you can retire this summer!

Also it can be for Meredith too since Octopus Pie is one year old! It is a comic about an octopus that loves him some pies but pies are allergic to the sea so there are some problems.

Jesus Godburg, DDS

Mon, 12 May 2008 22:12:50 GMT

Man I heard a snippet of a Christian preacher guy on AM radio saying that Jesus came to his church once and gave everybody fillings in their teeth! Gold and silver! He didn't say how Jesus decided who got what metal but man he sounded like was pretty excited about it, and that it was pretty great when it happened.

So let me get to the point let me ask you my Christian Friends is this true that Jesus gives you fillings because ol Jeffrey has got a wisdom tooth that is basically trashing most of his vibes 3 or 4 days a week and I still do not have dental insurance on account of protesting the religious exemption in the MA Insurance Law... it's complicated. Anyway if you could put in a good word for me I would be super grateful.

jjr

I actually like to think that this truly happened but then after everybody got home after church and was chowing down on their Kentucky Fried Chickens their fillings all fell out and a trumpet went "WAH WAAAH" on account of Jesus was a carpenter not a dentist. Why didn't I just make a comic out of this OH MAYBE I WILL.

PS this is what happens when I drink half a pot of strong coffee then go grab a Stone Ruinator because it is six o' clock.

---

AM radio is the best
Also I am actually going to keep my Wisdom Teeth on account of I am convinced Wisdom Teeth Extraction is a conspiracy to dumb us down.

FIRST

Sun, 11 May 2008 01:23:14 GMT

Guess who just figured out what his next t-shirt slogan is going to be that he isn't going to even bother doing a livejournal poll about that will also help coincide with the re-re-re-re-launch of his beloved just-about-ruined webcomic, Wigu?

(The answer is me)

Wait Oh

Sat, 10 May 2008 20:06:31 GMT

Oops I have been informed that apparently the Emerald City Comic-Con website said that I was going to be at that thing but clearly I am not there due to just having too many things to do and it costing so dang much to fly my whole dang entourage halfway across the land and staying at whatever hotel has the most syllables in its name.

I am sorry for the confusion. :/

Kimya Dawson

Fri, 09 May 2008 16:06:16 GMT

I guess maybe I'm just way out of the loop or something but are we all supposed to be pretending to like Kimya Dawson because she's retarded or something?

UPDATE:

Then and Now Thing

Thu, 08 May 2008 00:06:02 GMT

Since I am embarrassed of my advanced age I decided to wait to be the last one to throw my deal into this... meme and show you what ol' Jeffrey was like way back in nineteen ninety one.

It is obvious I would like myself then a lot less than I like myself now. If I could time travel to meet my former self I would have done my best to avoid that guy, I tell you what. But I lived in a rural Oklahoma town with a population of 1300 back then and we had just gotten electricity so don't you dare judge me.

Also, Sheriff Pony's Designer Rodeo has launched (thanks to Tallahassee for naming it). Are there some surprises there? You betcha. More on that tomorrow.

Man I barely even smoke at all these days maybe like ten cigarettes a week I just wanted to be honest

TopatoCo Twitter

Fri, 02 May 2008 20:03:36 GMT

So despite all the terrible things I've said about Twitter in the past the other day Tallahassee goes, "You know Jeffrey I think Twitter was like pretty much invented for us to keep people advised as to what is going on at TopatoCo right now."

I said "Goddammit" and instantly set up a Twitter for TopatoCo but sometimes we say jokey things too I guess. Joey Softerworld will be here soon.

http://twitter.com/topatoco

There is a thinger set up on the help page also so you don't have to follow us, if you order something and wanna know what the hell is up you can just go there and find out instantly if we're filing bankruptcy or something.

Mush

Thu, 01 May 2008 19:05:39 GMT

I am about to go running with Jeph Jacques so if you're in Easthampton at 3:30 in the afternoon sucking down Jim Beam behind the wheel of an extended cab Ford F-150 and you see a big dude with tattoos and all kinds of metal shit stuck in his face and a short, unshaven kinda chubby guy with crazy hair would you mind swerving away from us right before you pass out? Thanks.

---

Why do I and just about everybody in the free world have some doubts about the DC Madam's suicide? Maybe because studies have shown that rich, powerful men in are complete bastards that will do anything to protect their "dignity?" I heard several interviews with that lady and personally I thought she was a really interesting, intelligent person -- not that has ever made someone less likely to suicide but... hm.

Red Letter Day

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 19:04:34 GMT

Over the next couple weeks Astronomy Cast will be tackling my favorite subject: The Inevitable End of Everything. I'll be honest when I say I only understand about 10% of what they say in that podcast, but Pamela and Fraser are just so dang pleasant to listen to.

Also it is late 90s/early 00s Emotional Rock day featuring the Get Up Kids and Alkaline Trio and man, this stuff holds up good.

Twenty-three days until Wigu's return!

Battle Without Honor or Humanity

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 03:29:56 GMT

Imagine this scene in slow motion, play the music when Lucy Liu and the Crazy 88 are walking into the restaurant in Kill Bill, and just go.

When Barack Obama becomes president and if he turns evil, it's gonna be so cool. Obama will walk to the stage flanked by some humongous dudes in bow ties, rip off his breakaway suit, reveal his traditional Muslim Garb, smile, and say "it's 3am, bitches."

Re: this whole thing: usually the way you tell if people are related is because both of their last names are exactly the same.

Oh Also

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:02:36 GMT

Oh yes also we'll be at New York Comic Con this weekend the whole time.

http://www.nycomiccon.com/

Booth 2731, it will be Mr. Jon Rosenberg, Poopmonster, Kid Gopher, Angelman and myself and Tallahassee I reckon. I'm certain some other surprisers will be hanging around as well as is typically the case.

The Pope is going to be in town too, I wonder if he will come to Comic Con? I sure hope not, that would be awkward what with me starting my own church and all.

Overcompensating will update Saturday this week as well! You can friend http://overcomp.livejournal.com/ if you want auto updates if you haven't already.

Belief Tax

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 05:07:53 GMT

Somethin's been buggin' me since I did my taxes. See, Massachusetts has a law where if you don't have health insurance you get a tax penalty. I still don't have health insurance because (a) jeez you have to set aside a whole couple days to figure this whole thing out which I don't have to spare and (b) as a small business I have to spend at least $300/mo for unemployment tax and other various taxes and to be perfectly honest I only have one pair of pants that I like.

Here's what really bugs me though.

You don't have to pay the health insurance penalty if you have a religious belief that is against having health insurance..

Which means that if you're of one those religions that are against modern medicine, you don't have to pay the penalty. The penalty is based entirely on something which technically can't be proven one way or the other.

So I clicked the little box that said "yes" because I am a member of the Church of The Separation of Church and State which is a church that I just invented (unless someone already thought of it) which believes that laws should not be applicable based on someone's personal faith.

The Church of The Separation of Church and State believes in all sorts of wacky things.

Advance Comic

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 02:15:28 GMT

Dang I am so pleased with Monday's comic I'm giving it to you in advance!

This is also the first comic I ever did where I like had the idea in a half-dream in the middle of the night and instead of writing it down I willed myself to remember it and actually remembered it in the morning.

TopatoCo LJ Feed

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 01:22:47 GMT

I set up a TopatoCo LJ feed for the at-least-weekly updates...

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/topatoco_news/

From http://www.rsspect.com/rss/topatoco.xml

With the feed you get advance info about sales and things like that, and information about the current front page image etc.

If you're already signed up to get email from that, I can't figure out why all the data isn't coming through but I'll know before the next update. Sorry about the garbles.

TopatoCo Pictures

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 23:13:10 GMT

Hey

I stuck a random flickr badge on all the TopatoCo product pages (AS SEEN HERE. If you or anybody you know has any neat pictures of anything sold the TopatoCo site send it to pics@topatoco.com so Ryan North's presence is slightly less dominant.

Total Recall

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 15:41:20 GMT

Oh my goodness there's something so poetic about this that it is almost erotic.

I guess I am pretty good at whistling because I was walking down the stairs yesterday whistling Iron Maiden's "Two Minutes to Midnight" and suddenly some metal kid starts headbanging.

How come every time I hear the phrase "stimulus package" I get the sudden yet passing sensation of a finger being in my butt.

Shadowboxing Carlos Castandeda*

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 23:59:12 GMT

Listening to Coast to Coast open lines is like 98% GUH and 2% HOLY JESUS DID THAT GUY SERIOUSLY SAY THAT JUST THEN. Unfortunately George Noory is too dumb to pick up on the real gold (he had reported earlier in the evening that Rupert Sheldrake was stabbed to death when he was actually only wounded, which I guess is part of his charm? Whatever).

Friday night (April 4, 2008 episode, hour 4 at about 16:30) had the following discussion. The caller was one of those acid guys. There's a certain kind of verbal cadence a dude has after he has dropped approximately 1000 hits of acid, and this guy had that. I am typing this in part to practice typing actual sentences better.

Caller: Hi My name is Paul from Salt Lake City. I called because I'm being haunted by the ghost of Carlos Castandeda.

George: Oh my God, why?

Paul: Well I called him one night, him and his witches are haunting me. Carlos Castandeda promised us that he would be a God in the other world when he departed. One night I called his spirit and he came! And he's been tormenting me ever since. At first he was really nice, but then he began projecting all kind of horrid images onto my senses. He tried to convince me that people were food products and that I had to, I don't know, catch them for him or hunt people... he gives me strange ghostly sounds in the world, every time I pass a graveyard he whistles real loud and I turn and there's no one there...

George: Now I trust you have not done anything he's asked you to do?

Paul: No, never.

George: What are you doing to stay strong?

Paul: I don't know, I just try to fight it off I guess, I tried to shadow-box an image I got off of Youtube of him, I got the image there and on Google Image Search and I got an image of him and I stand in the middle of the room and I shadowbox the hell out of it to try to break the constitution...

George: Well you keep that up and we'll be back in a moment.

I don't know how to rip just a piece out of an mp3 or I would do that, also there's some kind of fun in typing it out. Kind of like how actually writing a journal entry that you have to think about is more satisfying than constantly spurting twittergasms.

*It's like Wrestling Ernest Hemingway but with Horrid Images projected on your Senses

Free time!

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 02:48:49 GMT

Holy crap, since I just set the router to block certain websites (ie cnn, foxnews, reddit, spaceghetto etc) during certain times when I need to get crap done I find myself just trying to hit those sites impulsively on sheer reflex, seriously like 5 times a minute. Then I feel weird, like I have no control, then I feel guilty. Then I write. Whatever works!

New addition to SECRET CLEARANCE PAGE (see previous post).

OH MY GOODNESS LOOK HOW DIRTY MY TOENAILS ARE

OH MAN I SHOULD JUST BLOCK THE WHOLE INTERNET BUT THEN I WOULD JUST PROBABLY REPEAT THE SAME JOKES OVER AND OVER

Snake Ends

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 23:01:10 GMT

OK I've been fighting with the secrets RSS on topatoco for a couple of hours and I have to walk away but I'll tell you guys too, the last remnants of the discounted Snakes on the Planes shirts are finally up in a secret, not completely public place where we can't oversell any of them. I am giving you first dibs on all the good stuff because some of you are so nice.

TOPATOCO SECRET CLEARANCE AREA

Also if you look real hard at today's OC you will see my airplane has little plastic balls screwed on the back.

There should be a word like "hungry" that means "needing to make a poo." There probably already is but I don't know what it is on account of being verbally inadequate. Oh won't someone come to my rescue.

The Unicorn Fancier

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:01:59 GMT

On the front door of the office we have a little plaster Unicorn crest and when I went out earlier there was an older lady standing there staring at it. I said "hi" and she said "now that's a good unicorn."

Then I walked on down the hall and she called out from behind me "excuse me, are you a unicorn fancier?"

Now I've been called a lot of things in my life, like "jerk butt" and "monster" and "rug bumper" but I ain't never been even close to being called a Unicorn Fancier.

"Yes ma'am," I replied. "I've been known to fancy a unicorn or two."

Expelled

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 02:13:30 GMT

Has anybody seen that movie Expelled yet? I really want to see it for curiosity's sake but I'd like to know if anybody else has seen it on account of I seem to have approximately 31 more important things to do than of seeing that movie.

Florida design again

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 19:11:26 GMT

Every time I go somewhere people are always like "when are you gonna put out that Florida shirt Jeffrey that design is so funny me laugh me laugh *cough*" and I was about to then I had a thought and I can't decide something. Now that the store is doing okay finally I can confidently put out basically every stupid idea, and as of 2pm today these dumb-ass state shirts are officially considered "post."

As a person on the internet you have opinions and like to press buttons so here you go.

View Poll: florida

I'm probably gonna change the colors, I'm just asking about the design.

edit: nevermind this is stupid

Interview with meeee

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:20:07 GMT

There is an interview with me at Comicmix in which I don't sound like the muttering crazer that I actually am.

I am still gonna post up the Spring Breaks facts later, today has been the day of one hundred problems.

OH I was going to mention last night about our close personal acquaintance PZ Myers getting denied entrance by the police to that creationist/ID pity-party "Expelled." PZ is now apparently only the second most dangerous man in the world.

Just a thing

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 03:21:07 GMT

Maybe the reason people can't stop arguing about race is because you can't get it through their heads that

white people talk like this

and black people talk like this

Bad Nerd

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:38:12 GMT

I feel like a terrible nerd because I never played Dungeons and Dragons and I could never make it through 2001: A Space Odyssey without falling asleep.

In my defense nobody played D&D when I was in school on account of it was tantamount to Devil Worshipping